Day 22: Describe a dark/turbulent moment in your life.

Been pondering on this topic for a couple of days. Or has it been a week already? 

After some deep soul searching, the darkest, most turbulent moment in my life was when my own best friend betrayed me.

I picked this chapter of my life because this event is considered the breakthrough or turning point of my life. 

I hesitated at first to share this particular event because it's been so long and I should have forgotten all about it. However, I once read in a book that if you were constantly reminded by an event that coincidentally lead to another dejavu-ish life lesson, it could be the universe trying to tell you that you haven't learned this lesson well. And yeah, I've experienced a few other betrayals by so-called friends that finally last year, my eyes were finally opened.

Sometimes, the people you think you won't ever get along with can be your real ally.

So, before I tell you the story, I just want to say that I didn't mean to cause any grievances to the person and I just want to say to him or her that...

"Thanks for making me stronger and wiser."

So, it happened when I was in college and we have a major group assignment. As usuall, I would choose my besties first over others. So, kami pun jadilah satu group. And after choosing the rest of the members, kami lantik la ketua. Everyone in the team (as it seems) wanted me to be the leader, so I agreed. After all, kami kan geng...so, being a leader got me all excited because I can take this opportunity to showcase one of my works. So, after showing everyone in the team our possible presentation, it seemed that everyone was happy. At least, that was what I think.

At the first meeting, I assigned each member with a role. I remembered that I wanted to showcase the talents of my other team members who always got the mediocre role because they do have potentials. Everyone was content with their roles but I guess I overlooked the needs of one of my best friend. I assumed that since my friend had one major role before, so why not give a supporting role? We were marked based on teamwork anyway. So, after the meeting we promised to meet again.

To make the story short, I saw one of the team members and reminded her about our second practice. I was a bit curious why she looked confused. Then, I found out from her that my BFF had written a new play and everyone except me and my other friend knew about it. That person even assigned new roles to everyone. I wondered why would that person do that to me and alas, the jigs was up. That person was unsatisfied about the role I gave.

To add insult to the injury, the rest of the team had already met and discussed about the new play. They told me that they thought I knew about the new project and was okay with it. In my defense, I knew I would be okay if only my friend had that openness to tell me about that project. I knew I would react at first, but I would be okay to change to that person's idea if it would be good for the team. But to do a secret meeting behind my back and without any information, it was so confusing at that time.

So, I confronted that person. My friend told me that I was obsessed with my position. WTF??!! I just wanted to give the others a chance to share their talents. In my group, we don't hog spotlights, we share. That was my opinion. I guess we didn't share that sentiment. 

At that moment, I remember that I felt like a fool. My heart just breaks and in the midst of my anger at my friend, I felt extremely angry at myself.  Angry because I would never do this to any of my best friends; angry because I favour that person over others; angry because I didn't listen to warnings from others. I placed my trust on that person and look at what total loyalty had brought me. I was totally distraught but funny, I felt more empowered. More empowered to bring that person down. Oh, the battle was on...it was so ON!!

At the end, our group were broken into two...Team Jes and Team That Person (hehehe macam teda nama lain). Who won? Not that I care, but my team did quite well. At that moment, I realised that my real friends were with me all along. I learned a lesson about true friendship from that event.

I forgive that person eventually and remained friends till we graduated. Well, we grew up and perhaps we weren't meant to be BFFs. Yalah, I forgave tapi the scar yang sia dapat besar juga oh. At least, we tried. But I guess, you can't force the universe to maintain what is not yours to begin with. Some friends move on and some stay. Those who stay is worth all the loyalty you can give.

So the lesson here is not to dwell on the dark event, rather see what you can learn from it and move on.

After moving on, I finally get what I always wanted: genuine friends.